The following is a story from Stories of Faith and Courage from the Vietnam War, November 6. Happy Father's Day!
Chad Daugherty was born March 9,
1968. On May 9, 1968 his father was killed in Vietnam. He not only grew up
without his father, he grew up with practically no information about him. His mother, in anguish, threw out all the photos and other reminders of the man she
would not see again. She also remarried while Chad was very young, and so his
father was rarely mentioned in the household. Nevertheless, he was frequently
haunted by fantasies of his father returning. He would think of all the things
they would do together, but then realize all the problems this would cause his
mother.
At
age seventeen, Daugherty went to the Vietnam Memorial to find his father. After
going through the search process, he finally stood before panel fifty-seven,
looking at the name he sought. His fingers brushed over the letters. He later
wrote a composition, describing himself in the third person and his feelings at
that moment:
From his heart rose a feeling he just could not explain.
It only seemed to occur at that place while gazing at the name and dark
reflections in the wall. The feeling seemed to torture the heart. Contrasting
emotions of love and hate; happiness and sorrow; pride and shame were all felt
at once. Why did he put himself to this torture, he wondered? There was no
reason to come. No one made him come. Yet he came willingly.
The
wall became the place where Chad Daugherty resolved the conflicting emotions of
his childhood. He talked to his father. He shared all his accomplishments and
dreams for the future. He told him how much he loved him. He left a letter
saying, “Dear father, you shall always be remembered. Your loving son.”
There
are probably very few men who do not have conflicting emotions about their
fathers. They are fortunate if their fathers are still living, and they still
have opportunities to resolve these feelings directly. Many of us unfortunately
don’t have that option. We need a wall of our own to go to where we can
acknowledge the man who was probably the best father that he was capable of
being and the one that our heavenly Father meant us to have. Whatever his
faults, he helped make us what we are. Whether talking to the man or to a wall,
the best place to start is, “I love you, Dad.”
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live
long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. ~Exodus 20:12
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